The 10 Worst Car Names In History

William Shakespeare famously wrote that “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” True in the case of a rose, not so true when it comes to naming cars. The names of vehicles—despite the make, model or brand–can be truly perplexing. So strange, in fact, that the news magazine television show 60 Minutes once devoted an entire segment to examining the weird names that car companies give to their vehicles. And over the years, there have been some truly ridiculous car names. Here’s a list of 10 of the worst names in automotive history–so far. We’re sure there will be more in the coming years…

10. Kia pro_cee’d

Never mind that this isn’t proper English. Who the hell at Kia thought to name a car “Proceed” and then spell it “pro_cee’d?” And why the apostrophe before the “d” at the end? Would spelling the word “proceed” properly be too obvious? And how does this name really fit for the vehicle it is attached to? The Kia pro_cee’d, after all, is a compact GT model that is kind of a Subaru knock-off. It’s a small, sporty car with torque and off-road capability. Surely the smart people at Kia could have come up with a more appropriate name than this? Alas, we’ll never know.

9. Isuzu Mysterious Utility Wizard

This name sounds like an early 1970s rock band rather than a sport utility vehicle (SUV). Why not just call it the “Isuzu Magical Mystery Tour”? And what’s mysterious about this SUV? It looks like every other SUV on the roads today. And why “wizard”? If they really needed to go with that name, couldn’t the company just have called this SUV the “Isuzu Wizard”? The word “wizard” seems to be the one most preferred by Isuzu since they emblazoned it on the side of the vehicle. Why not, we suppose? Hasn’t everyone wanted to cruise around town in an SUV that has the word “wizard” scrawled across the sides in giant type? Makes us wonder if the marketing team at Isuzu have been smoking something.

8. Honda That’s

That’s… what? Incredible? Impressive? Miraculous? We’ll never know, because the good people at Japanese automaker Honda left the title of this weird, boxy-looking family car at simply “That’s.” It’s almost like they wanted people to fill in the rest for them. Like “That’s the car I want!” Actually, we doubt too many people said that in real life. The name of this car is as weird as the vehicle whose moniker it is attached to. This is definitely one of the strangest cars, and names, we’ve seen come out of Japan. Of course, this is the land that gave the world drunken Karaoke and some pretty bizarre anime movies. So we suppose anything is possible from the Japanese.

 

7. Peugeot Bipper Tepee Outdoor

Who named this SUV/Minivan crossover…George Lucas? Why not call it “R2D2” or “BB-8”? And what’s with using the word “tepee”? Aren’t Native American groups going to take issue with a French car company such as Peugeot coopting a native term such as tepee? We know that Peugeot wanted to advertise this vehicle as a great choice for people who like the outdoors, but the “Bipper Tepee”? What the hell is a “Bipper”? Judging by the green color of this vehicle, they should have called it the “Green Latrine” instead. Weird.

6. Toyota Estima Lucida G Luxury Joyful Canopy

WTF? Fire the person who came up with this name. And fire the poor slob who approved it. Again, we know the Japanese have some quirks and like to name things with colorful words such as “joyful” and “luck,” but could this name have been any longer? Yikes. Simplifying the name of this vehicle to the “Toyota Estima” would have been a lot better. But this name is so long, who in their right mind would ever say the whole thing more than once? If ever a vehicle required a nickname, it is this minivan. Think of the poor kids whose families own one of these things? They’d have to take a deep breath and concentrate just to get the name out in one go. Sheesh!

5. Tang Hua Detroit Fish

Another head-scratcher, the Tang Hua Detroit Fish is an amphibious car from the People’s Republic of China. Apparently, the engineers behind this eye sore decided to throw “Detroit” into the name since they debuted this concept car at the 2008 Detroit Auto Show. And “Fish” apparently reflects the fact you can drive this car in water as well as on land. To be fair, this name (although odd) makes more sense than a lot of the other names on this list. And the weird name matches the seriously weird design of this car. It looks like a giant rubber ducky, for goodness sakes.

4. Mazda Titan Dump

Say what? This is a name that definitely turns heads when people hear it. Of course, the Titan Dump is actually a dump truck. But still. Calling a vehicle a “Titan Dump” is never a good idea. Surely there were some heated discussions at Mazda about this name and its, er, implications. No? Okay, maybe not. Still, the name “Titan Dump” is definitely memorable and bound to get attention. And when you need a dump truck, for sure, you want one that is as powerful as a Titan. So we suppose that this name kind of works. In the right context, of course. Mazda has had some other unusual vehicle names over the years, notably the “Carol Me Lady,” the “Bongo Friendee,” and the “Scrum Wagon.” Really? Scrum Wagon?

3. Mitsubishi Lettuce

This is a weird name for an equally weird looking car. After all, what about this car says “lettuce”? Were the folks at Mitsubishi on lunch break when they named this thing? To be sure, there are not many cars named after produce, so, in that regard, the Mitsubishi Lettuce stands out and is unique. Of course, this is not a cool name, nor is it a cool car. I mean, who wants to tell their date they drive a “Lettuce?” You would never see James Bond driving around in a Mitsubishi Lettuce, no matter how tricked out the car was with guns and radar and other cool spy stuff. It just wouldn’t happen. The name would kill it for 007.

2. Geely Rural Nanny

Leave it to the Australians to give a bizarre half car/half truck hybrid vehicle a strange name such as the Geely Rural Nanny, and then market it for the Chinese. We could actually see the Chinese liking both the name and the vehicle. But man, is this ever a bad name for a car. Who the hell wants to drive a rural nanny? It sounds like the name of the ultimate old man car. Like the Buick Rural Nanny, if there was such a thing. This is a bad name for a bad looking car. Hopefully the manufacturers buried it somewhere out in the vastness of rural China among people who just don’t know any better.

1. Nissan Homy Super Long

You could certainly fit a lot of your “homies” in this really long van manufactured by Nissan. This extended van is definitely “super long.” It is also pretty weird looking and might best be used to transport a softball team around to tournaments. This name is more of a descriptor than anything else. It is a van. It is super long. And it is pretty homey inside. Enjoy! Geez, you think for the money automotive executives are paid, they could have come up with a name that is a bit more creative and exciting. Like the “Nissan Bus,” or the “Nissan Torpedo.” But this name is so bad it defies logic. Still, if you’re in the market for a super long van, head to your local Nissan dealership.